Curious Snippets

Northamptonshire Police are being ordered to use megaphones to shout crime prevention advice at residents who leave their doors or windows open.

Officers have also been instructed to go into unlocked properties and alert homeowners to the security risk - even to the point of waking them up if they are asleep.

It is all part of a scheme that will see them patrolling the streets with the megaphones, shouting at homeowners to ensure their properties are properly protected.

Jesus fucking H Christ. This is just wrong on so many levels.

The move is part of an initiative to crack down on summer burglaries, but has not gone down too well with local residents, who criticised it as patronising and intrusive. Shirley Partridge, 75, said: "I don't want police officers coming into my house and bellowing at me with a megaphone telling me to lock my windows and doors.

Too bloody right. Here's the clue as to why this is wrong- It is private property. PRIVATE. That means 'fuck off if you're not the owner'.

Officers are patrolling residential streets bellowing: "This is the police, shut your windows and lock your doors, don't let burglars in."

Hmm. This sounds familiar. Oh yes - V for Vendetta? And a myriad of other dystopian films where an authoritarian state has snatched the liberties of its people.

According to police, one in four of the 30 recent burglaries was down to tenants failing to lock up their houses properly and the average cost of a burglary to the force is around £3,300.

If only there was some way in which the victims of crime could compensate the police for this inconvenience. Oh, wait a fucking jack flash....it's called TAXATION!!!

But thank God we have intelligent Inspectors to explain the cause of burglaries...

Insp Mike Grady said: "Sadly, a good proportion of burglaries in this county take place at homes that have been left insecure.

No shit. I am intrigued as to the proportion of burglaries that take place at secure homes. In other news, bears crap in the woods.

I despair. I really do. Now DK, what about that seasteading?